


Just to be alive on this fresh morning

by TheStarsMyDestination



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Rise of Skywalker Canon Divergent, twitter inspired
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:21:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23994421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStarsMyDestination/pseuds/TheStarsMyDestination
Summary: After his first run in with Palpatine, instead of returning to the First Order Ben Solo sets a different course -- to find he one person he can trust to help him shed his old identity.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a tweet that to the effect of: "Ben should have gone to Rey after Palpatine." Then the below jumped into my head.

_“I am every voice you ever heard"_

The lines played over and over again in his head. It was Palpatine. This whole time, it hadn't been he who was inherently evil or impure. It had been the poison of a decrepit old man, too weak now to fight his own battles. Kylo Ren -- Ben, balled his hand into a fist. That ended here. He would not be manipulated any more. He would be again, himself.

But who was Ben Solo? Manipulated or not, he had done terrible things. Unforgivable things. He felt the darkness creeping in around him again. But just as it threatened to engulf him again, he thought of her, and his vision cleared. Where could he go from here, who he would be...he didn't know. But he knew the one person he could trust to help him. And he needed to get back to her as soon as possible.

As he swung himself back into the cockpit of his ship, he set a course not for the First Order Star Destroyer, but for open space. He reached out with his feelings, let his guard down for the first time in so, so many years. Anger and hopelessness had built strong walls around his feelings, but found the chinks that Rey had made, during their talks, during the fights. He widened them, reaching out. There was nothing. What if it was too late? "Rey, please," he breathed.

And somewhere, across the Galaxy, Rey paused. She straightened up from where she had been hunched over a table display, ignoring the questions of her friends her as the sounds around her faded into familiar stillness. At first her face twisted into a look of anger, but then, when she saw him, it shifted. He made no pretense of hiding or concealing. She could feel his thoughts and he began to be able to feel hers. "I need your help," he said, "You were right. Please."

Slowly, her expression relaxed. Her smile lit up her face like sunlight, and he thought fleetingly that he'd like to stand in that light forever if he could. Her eyes shining, she nodded. He knew in that moment where she would be and when. He set a course, feeling, for the first time in years, alive.

Meanwhile, back at the Resistance base, Rey turned to those around her, her face set with new purpose. "I need to pull the Falcon out of this," she said, "I need a ship -- no, Finn, don't ask why, I'll can't say now. I'll explain everything when I get back. I'm going to Naboo."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, this chapter was the original micro one-shot. Please comment or leave kudos if you enjoyed, they really do make my life!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pre-dawn. Two ships are next to each other in a fallow field. All is silent as the door on the smaller craft, all sinister angles, pops open to reveal a man in black. He scrambles out from the hatch and drops soundlessly to the ground. 
> 
> Ben Solo has arrived on Naboo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is going to be a real fic now? Or at least a series of vignettes. Thank you to those who have encouraged me so far.

Ben Solo arrived on Naboo with the dawn. He passed over villages and manor houses, fields and vineyards, lakes and trees. At the exact coordinates that Rey had given him, he found the Falcon in the middle of a fallow field. He brought his ship down near it, then popped the hatch and let himself fall onto the misty grass below. He took a few tentative steps towards the Falcon. He gazed up at the mismatched hull rising like a demon from folklore in the pre-dawn haze. He resisted the urge to rest a hand on its bulk; there were too many memories there. He could sense her, not far. Without taking time to get his bearing, leaving all weapons behind, he strode purposefully towards the pull of her spirit.

Just as the sun broke the trees, he saw her.

Her hair was pulled back from her face, back into buns again. Just like it had been the first time they met, in the forest. Even there, even with her shooting at him, he'd felt the echoes of what this bond would become. Or was he misremembering? Injecting foreshadowing into coincidence to see what he wanted to see? He would no doubt brood on that later, but for the moment he had other things to focus on. Rey was here, now. 

They stopped a few meters apart, as though each was hesitant to cross that final boundary. 

"You came.”

They said it in unison, with meaning to. She smiled at him, her eyes alight, studying him. He felt suddenly self-conscious. 

"It's nice here, a nice day," he sputtered, distracted by the warmth of her smile. Wait, the weather? Was he really talking about the weather? He was mortified. This was a mistake. He wanted to sink into the earth -- but then she laughed and he lived again. 

"You beg me to fly halfway across the Galaxy and you want to tell me about what a nice day it is?"

He couldn’t think of anything to say to that, so he just shrugged and cleared his throat. The silence stretched between them, but not uncomfortably. They listened to the wind blowing through the grass, to the call of morning birds, the faint splash of the lake nearby. 

"I haven’t seen a morning like this in a long time," he admitted.

"Too much time spent crushing rebellions," she said with half a smile. "I can see how that would limit your ability to enjoy a quiet morning at home."

"It _is_ a scheduling nightmare," he agreed, relaxing into the banter.

"Murder at 9, mayhem at 10. Leaving nothing but terror in your wake. I’m sure you have to practice that evil voice...thing --"

"That's an extra hour and a half every day," 

"Duly noted." 

They both laughed and looked away from each other. Then he saw Rey's brows knit out of the corner of his eye. She was probably realizing, just as he was, that it was true. For years he _had_ left nothing but terror in his wake. The memory crushed him, pushing in from all sides. He braced himself for a hail of accusations he knew he couldn’t answer, but was surprised when she said instead: 

“You’re different. I can feel it. You’re...lighter somehow. It's like a weight is gone. What happened?” 

He let out a long breath and shrugged self deprecatingly. He couldn’t find the words. He had brought her out here, wanted to tell her, but now he didn’t know where to start. Another failure. 

“Ben,” she said lightly, her voice pulling him back to himself. His eyes found hers, her gaze steadied him. “Don’t be afraid."

As she said it, he could sense something warm and comforting coming through to him through their bond. And, like magic, he wasn’t afraid anymore. He told her everything that had led him here. What he had learned from his visit to Exegol and what Palpatine had told him. How since his earliest years, Palpatine had manipulated him. 

"He stole your life," Rey said when he had finished. They were sitting now, cross-legged on the grass like children at a picnic. 

"Rey, he stole both our lives. Your parents, no, listen -- What they became -- ”

“ -- Drunks. You can say it. You’ve said it before."

She said it with an affected callousness that tore at his heart. He swallowed hard. “It was Palpatine. In their heads. How they protected you from it, I don't know. Or maybe you’re just stronger than I am.” 

She didn’t answer that, but drew her knees up, hugging them against her chest. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, as though trying to reach a decision. 

"Ben, why am I here?” 

"You told me that when we touched, you saw the future. You saw us together."

"You said you say it too. You said I'd be the one to turn. If that's why you brought me here -- !! No, Ben, that's _not_ going to happen.” Suddenly she was on her feet and walking away from him.

" _Rey--_ ” he was on his feet in an instant. A few quick strides and he was in front of her, blocking her path. 

"Get out of my way, please." 

“I saw us. _Together_. And I assumed that if we were together, you would have turned. I couldn't think of a world where we could be together in the light." 

"But?" she challenged, not looking at him, her arms crossed in front of her.

"But. That's it. That's what I want. I want to come back to the light. And...I want to be there with you. What I said over the bond, it wasn't a lie -- reach out, you know it's true. I'm on the brink, Rey. Please. I need help figuring this out and you’re the only person I know I can trust." He felt that as long as he was with her, he was on the right path. He didn't know how to put that into words so he tried, as he had before, across space, to pass these thoughts across their bond. He watched, trying to keep his own mind blank, as she processed this information. 

"Ben...I can't tell you how to be. I don't even know who I should be. But we can help each other find our place in all this," she paused and he could tell she was choosing her words carefully, and even when she spoke she seemed to measure the effect of each word before continuing. "I can't forgive you for the things you've done -- Let me finish! I can't forgive you for the things you've done, there are some things I don't know if you'll ever be able to make right. But for me, for myself, _I_ can give you that chance to do better.” She held out her hand to him. He hesitated for only a fraction of a second before he took it. It felt like a lifeline. Their connection strengthened and in that moment and he could feel every part of her. He twined his fingers in hers without hesitation now; it felt like the most natural thing the world. 

“I told you I would help you and I meant it. Ben," she said. "I will always be here for you. And I know you’d do the same for me.”

He nodded, only half aware of the actual words she was saying. He wanted to kiss her. He could almost see it, like a ripple in the Force around them showing this desired future, one out of many. It was a heartbeat away. But try as he might, want it though he did...he couldn't cross from this heartbeat to that one. He looked down at her, her lips slightly parted. He could tell, just like before, that she felt it too. It seemed neither of them knew how to cross this boundary. She squeezed his hand, a single steadying pulse. There was both too much and not enough between them. 

“ _Ben_ ,” she breathed, and his heart stopped. He thought she leaned fractionally closer to him. Was this it? He leaned down towards her. Their faces were now inches apart. 

"I won't leave the Resistance.” 

That...was not what he had expected her to say. He straightened up to hide his awkwardness.

“The Resistance is my home now,” she pressed on, “and they…"

"They won't accept me,” he said flatly. This was not a surprise. Yet he had hoped...He started to drop her hand, to turn away, but she held firm. 

"No,” she shook her head, “not now. There’s too much history. But..." 

He sensed the answer before she said it. He knew what he would have to do, but he didn't know if he had the strength to do it. Palpatine was still in his mind, tapping gently against the wall he’d thrown between them. To do this, he would have to breach the wall again. 

Rey must have sensed his disquiet, because she took his other hand in hers, pulling him towards her until their joined hands rested just over her heart. He could feel it fluttering through the gauze of her scarves and shirt. His entire body seemed to have turned suddenly cold at the prospect of the task in front of him, the task he feared but knew he would accept. Only the warmth of Rey's hand, the steadiness of her heartbeat and their connection, kept him tethered. He felt hope flare again within him, and that gave him the strength to say out loud the words that hung between them:

"You need a spy.”

Looking up at him, bright and earnest in the morning light, she nodded.

"We need a spy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed, please let me know in a comment or kudos if you can. I'd love to hear your thoughts. 
> 
> More to come soon.


End file.
